Who's On First?

Jerry Katz and Rick Archer, the non-dual comedy duo, were organizing an upcoming advaita forum. They were discussing the lineup of speakers, and the following discussion ensued:

JERRY: Who’s on first?

RICK: Nobody.

JERRY: No one’s on first?

RICK: No, nobody’s on first. No one’s on second.

JERRY: Wait, you said that nobody’s on first.

RICK: Right.

JERRY: Well, if nobody’s on first then no one will be giving a presention at the beginning?

RICK: No, no one will be giving the second presentation.

JERRY: Nobody is giving the second presentation either?

RICK: No, nobody is giving the first presentation. No one is giving the second presentation.

JERRY: If nobody is giving the first presentation, and no one is giving the second presentation either, then who is the third speaker?

RICK: Who cares.

JERRY: I do! That’s why I’m asking.

RICK: No, who cares is the third speaker.

JERRY: I do! If nobody is giving the first talk, and no one is on second, then somebody better be giving the third presentation!

RICK: No, somebody is at home.

JERRY: Who’s at home?

RICK: No, somebody’s at home. Who’s running the video camera.

JERRY: I don’t know.

RICK: He’s collecting the donations at the door.

JERRY: Who is?

RICK: I don’t know.

JERRY: You don’t know who’s collecting the donations at the door?

RICK: Yes, I do. I don’t know.

JERRY: You don't know or you do know?

RICK: I do know, I don't know.

JERRY: Ok, let me get this straight. Nobody is giving the first presentation.

RICK: Right.

JERRY: And no one is giving the second presentation.

RICK: Exactly.

JERRY: And you don't care who's giving the third presentation.

RICK: No, I do care. The third presentation is who cares.

JERRY: You just said that you did!

RICK: I do. Who cares.

JERRY: Allright, forget that. At least let's figure out who's collecting the donations at the door.

RICK: I already told you, I don't know.

JERRY: Well, let's get somebody on it right away!

RICK: Somebody's at home.

JERRY: Then no one can do it?

RICK: No, no one is giving the second presentation.

JERRY: You're telling me that nobody can collection donations?

RICK: No. Nobody is the first speaker.

JERRY: Who's going to collect donations!!??

RICK: Who's running the video camera.

JERRY: I don't know!

RICK: That's who's collecting donations at the door.

JERRY: Who is?

RICK: I don't know.

JERRY: Oh my God, I quit! I’m going to become a Scientologist. Less craziness!

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