What the brayings are...

I love to rant and complain. It's like a hobby. I've been doing it on Facebook for several years. I used the name "Braying Jack Cass." That's because Facebook doesn't allow any usernames with the word "Jackass" in it. The nerve!

But then someone reported me for using a fake name, as if someone could have the actual name "Jack Cass." It's possible. Just like I'm sure there are some people named "Ben Dover" and "Mona Lott" and "Frank Furter" out there. Some parents have a sense of humor. And others are too dumb to make the connection.

Since I can't be on Facebook at work (the nerve!) here's a place I can come to rant during the day.





Wednesday, December 10, 2014

My new 2-man play: Fred Davis Calls The FBI To Report Stalking And Harassment

FRED DAVIS: Hello, FBI?

FBI: Yes, this is the FBI.

FRED DAVIS: I’d like to report stalking and harassment.

FBI: Ok, how are you being stalked and harassed?

FRED DAVIS: Someone is saying that I’m a convicted sex offender on the internet.

FBI: I see. So you aren’t and they’re lying about you then.

FRED DAVIS: No, I am.

FBI: You are?

FRED DAVIS: Yes, I am.

FBI: A convicted sex offender?

FRED DAVIS: Yes, a convicted sex offender.

FBI: Ok, so they’re telling the truth about you?

FRED DAVIS: Yes, they’re telling the truth about me.

FBI: But you’re being stalked and harassed from people telling the truth about you?

FRED DAVIS: Yes, I’d like them prosecuted please.

FBI: Telling the truth about someone isn’t exactly stalking and harassment.

FRED DAVIS: But they’re saying it all over the Facebook and on reviews for my books on Amazon.com!

FBI: They’re going onto you Facebook page and threatening you?

FRED DAVIS: No, I don’t have a Facebook page. I’m not allowed to have Facebook as a convicted sex offender.

FBI: Oh, right, I should have known that. So they’re threatening you on their own Facebook pages?

FRED DAVIS: Well, not really threatening, more like making fun of me.

FBI: Making fun of you?

FRED DAVIS: Yes, making fun of me. Nasty comments, humorous pictures, that kind of thing.

FBI: Ok, but are they telling people to go to your house and attack you, or anything like that?

FRED DAVIS: No, they’re making fun of me.

FBI: Ok, well, that’s not really against the law. If making fun of people on Facebook were a crime we’d have to build a hell of a lot of more prisons!

FRED DAVIS: But they’re stalking me!

FBI: So how are they stalking you? Are they following you around town? Parking in front of you house?

FRED DAVIS: No, internet stalking. They’re posting negative reviews of me on Amazon.com.

FBI: So they’re going into other people’s book reviews and pointing out that you’re a convicted sex offender?

FRED DAVIS: No, they’re going into my book reviews and pointing out that I’m a convicted sex offender.

FBI: What do you write books about?

FRED DAVIS: Spirituality, Enlightenment, Awakening, that kind of thing.

FBI: And you think they’re stalking you by writing negative reviews of your books on Amazon.com.

FRED DAVIS: Yes, exactly, could you arrest them please?

FBI: I’m sorry, sir, but if we arrested everyone who wrote a negative book review on Amazon.com we’d need even more prison cells than if we arrested everyone who made fun of someone on Facebook. For the people who write negative reviews of Stephen King books alone we need about 100 more prisons.

FRED DAVIS: But it’s not fair! They’re not supposed to use the information on the sex offender registry to harass and stalk me!

FBI: They’re posting your address and phone numbers and encouraging people to harass you?

FRED DAVIS: Well, no, not exactly…

FBI: They’re showing up at your house and physically confronting you?

FRED DAVIS: Well, no, not exactly…

FBI: Ok, sir, how about if you call the Facebook police or the Amazon.com secret service, they may be able to help you. Good day.

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Posted by Dan at 9:47 AM

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